Cancer Cancellation

After work, I stopped home to pick up Steve and the two of us headed to Perkins for supper. I told him what had happened; how sick I felt most of the day, and how the prayer from Benny Hinn blessed me. Faith, I have decided, is very hard work! The Bible tells us to study to show ourselves approved. We're also told to diligently seek the things of God, including the gifts of the Spirit. This is how I was baptized in the Holy Spirit, in 1976. I sought the gift of speaking in tongues. I persisted in prayer and earnestly desired this gift. A series of twists and turns led me to a place where I walked forward to receive prayer. Although I was told, by those who prayed with me, that I had received the gift of tongues, I didn't see the manifestation of it. I began to doubt the whole experience. It wasn't until I set my eyes on Jesus and praised Him in the dark, while lying in bed that evening, that the gift became manifest. If I had given up, I would never have received that which I so earnestly desired. I have given this whole cancer thing a considerable amount of thought. Today I heard someone mention annulment, in regard to marriage. Then it occurred to me that I wanted an annulment from cancer. You see, cancer is not just a disease. It sets itself up as a tormenting 'partner' in your body. Great care is given by the medical profession (and, I thank them for that) to make sure that this unwelcome 'partner' does not return; or, in the case of some who have it still in their body (mine has been removed), keep it under control so that it doesn't kill them. I have decided to seek a cancer annulment; and, I believe that the cross of my Lord and Savior and Healer, Jesus Christ has granted me that. The word, 'annul' means to void or to cancel. It means to 'reduce to nothing'. So, that which once was, is no more, in Him.

Finding His Faithfulness

I was miserable at work today. I have a cold, so I was coughing from time to time. My chest hurt when I coughed. I only ate an orange and a protein bar and drank a little almond milk, but had a terribly upset stomach and heartburn shortly after. I have been so discouraged that I have to be careful what I eat, since my surgery. I used to be able to eat anything and not get sick. I had a hard time working; I was so miserable. I began, as I have many times over the past four months, to doubt the faithfulness of God. I thought that He was my healer. I begged for Him to help me feel better. I was getting very discouraged. Then, I made myself remember the countless times God has saved me. In my heart, I began to praise Him for always being faithful, regardless of how crummy I may feel at the time or how dire the circumstances may appear. This encouraged me inside, but I still didn't feel very well. I begged Him to make Himself known to me. It seems I often lose sight of Him in my misery. I sat down at my desk just in time to see a phone call come in on my cellphone. I always silence it at work, so if I hadn't been sitting at my desk (and, I wasn't most of the day) I would not have been there to see this call come in. I wondered who it might be. There was a slight pause after I answered, then I heard a very familiar voice. It was Benny Hinn! It was a prerecorded message sent to his partners. I really hadn't thought of myself as a partner of his, but I did order the series (by Marilyn Hickey) that we are studying at our small group from Benny Hinn's TV show. His prayer was powerful. He prayed that 2015 would be a great year of God's power and presence in my life. He prayed for complete healing in my mind and body, and for financial provision. Of course, it's a general prayer for everyone; but, it really only applies to those who receive it. And so it is with salvation. I believe that healing is the same. Jesus died to take our sins and our sicknesses from us; but, His salvation only applies to each individual who receives.

Imagining Miracles

Years ago I read a book entitled (I think), "The Healing Light". I was a new Christian (became born again on March 30, 1976, so this would have probably been around that time) and I hadn't heard (that I remember) the term 'new age', in respect to the counter Christianity it's believed to portray. I listen (or have listened a time, or two) to Joel Osteen and others who some Christians refer to as 'new age', but I don't see that. If some of the things they say are taken out of context and twisted, it may seem so; just as many (most, maybe) cults are started by someone taking scripture out of context and twisting it. I was not feeling well at the time when I read this book ("The Healing Light") and I did as the author suggested, imagined that there was a healing light rising up though my body; beginning from my toes. I closed my eyes. I did that; and, I felt better. It totally could have been a mental thing; but, 'Bingo', that's where the battle is.........in the mind! So, to do this healing thing in a more biblical fashion would be to meditate on what the Bible says about healing and imagine oneself healed. That's tough; especially if someone is really sick! In order to meditate on a miracle and to make healing a real thing for me, I would have to choose God's thoughts over every single bad report (on the news, from others, etc). That is putting all of the eggs into the 'Bible Basket', so to speak! Okay; let's do that! One of the hardest things that I have had to deal with is survivor's guilt. There are so many little ones who have terminal cancer (or other life threatening diseases). There are young mothers, wives, fathers and husbands, etc. who have succumbed to the 'bully' (as a friend calls cancer). Why should I survive? There is only one reason (that matters) that I am aware of. That reason is to declare the glory of God! During one of my strong moments at the hospital (there were few), I turned to my husband and declared, "I will not die, but I will live and declare the glory of God. I know the plans that He has for me.........for us!" My husband readily agreed, held me and let me cry!

He Took My Tumor Too

I was looking forward to my post op appointment; but, I was nervous, too. The surgeon gave me very good news! He told me (us) that in this scenario, I have had the best possible outcome! Steve (my husband) and I were elated! However, each of us (we talked about it later) noticed that the oncology nurse navigator had come in to the post op meeting with the surgeon. She's a very nice gal, but she is also a reminder of that big, horrible 'C' word. The surgeon told us that he always refers his colon cancer patients to an oncologist and that the nurse would get me set up for that appointment. My hopes were dashed! This was a reminder to me that this cancer diagnosis is a commitment to ongoing appointments (check ups) for the next five years. I really wanted it all to be behind me. I thought of Psalm 103; "Bless the Lord, Oh my soul, and forget not all His benefits; Who forgives all your iniquities, Who heals all your diseases". I thought back to a time, over two decades ago, when I had sinned against my family and against the Lord. I had repented, but had such a hard time forgiving myself. One day, while on my knees, wrestling with this, the Lord asked me if I had given this sin to Him. I told Him that I had. Then He told me that the sin was no longer mine but His. I was shocked to think of such a thing! But, when I ponder what His sacrifice on the cross truly means to me, I can accept this. He nudged me during this meditation (now during this struggle with cancer). "Have you given this to me?" He asked. I assured them that I had. "Well then, it is no longer yours, it is mine". He took my tumor, too!

Ready Ranks

Many of us (all, maybe) have heard the expression, "Love you to death". However, I think that God has a very different objective for our relationships. I believe that He wants us to love each other to life. I was very confused about the diagnosis of cancer in me (see previous post). If there were 'all' things to do right (or even most), I kind of thought that I was in that category. I really hate to think that it was pride in me that brought me to that conclusion, but, all that I have wanted is a simple and good life and believed that God was able to bring that about. He is, after all, a good God, isn't He? None the less, I was the one on that hospital gurney who the surgeon talked about. "She has a malignant tumor in her colon" (or, something like that). Hmmmmmmm; let's see.........'malignant' means cancer, right? It didn't matter to me (well, now it does)......I had done all of my homework. I studied the gospels. I said the sinner's prayer in 1976 and got baptized in the Holy Spirit around that time, too. What is this? How did cancer get in me? What have I done wrong? Well, of course, the answer to that is, everything. Each of us has gone his own way (as the Bible says). None of us really lives to please God. We live to please us. Still, there have been definite moments in my life when I have been absolutely certain that I lived to please God. I'm not sure why I wanted to get married at the ripe, young age of 18. After all, in 1974, even though our culture was just on the precipice of understanding the value of what women can offer to our society, the choices that were surfacing meant very little to me. What, I thought, could be more valuable than being married and having children? And, so it was; I became a bride at the age of 18. Two teeny, little cute babies followed; the wonder (and miracle, by today's standards) of raising them and watching each and every precious moment of their growth, was my highest calling. I couldn't even imagine anything greater. God sent me a man who felt as I did. And now, in our more mature days, we see things absolutely the same. Our children, our children-in-law, our grandchildren are God's great purpose of life for us. So, when this wretched disease reared it's ugly head in my direction, the army raised up! I didn't know that by loving my husband unconditionally and that honoring our children together beyond any measure that earth can hold, would bring about this result. They rose up to call me 'blessed'. As the Proverbs 31 woman; I had an army waiting in the ranks for such an enemy as cancer; lest that dreadful enemy would sneak in to claim my life. They rose up and proclaimed; No! She is mine! My many friends; whom I have also cherished, but with no measure of passion as I do now, rose up and claimed me as a friend with whom they would not let go! And so the ranks assembled. I went through something that I have never dreamed I was capable of handling; all because the ranks were ready. My advice would be to all; "Have your ranks ready"!

The Twilight Zone

Riding the waves of Hurricane Katrina in a cruise ship named 'Miracle, admiring the beautiful view of Manhattan from the top of the World Trade Center shortly before the attacks, a close encounter to both the collapse of the Interstate 35 bridge in Minneapolis and the state fair stage collapse in Indianapolis; none of these things prepared me for 'The Twilight Zone', when I awoke after a colonoscopy to hear the surgeon tell my husband and my son to sit down. Although this was over 58 years into my story, it's a chapter that would change my life.